Friday, March 11, 2005

Monkey bars

Yesterday I went to the gym down by the station to pick up some pamphlets and things and find out how to join. It is expensive, which is why I have never joined before, but my flab is developing flab, and at the rate I'm going I'll be in such bad shape by the time classes start again that my first day back at work I'll probably put my back out. Teachers carry a lot of stuff.

Joining the gym, I discovered, is not only expensive but also intrusive and complicated. I need to fill in a huge form, give them three photographs, and show them proof of identity, my bank book, and a recent cardiograph. It is more trouble than it was to get my permanent residency visa. What is this? Are they afraid I might be a terrorist? A penniless terrorist? A penniless terrorist with a heart problem?

The other reason I have always hesitated to join is that all gyms in Japan are closed on Mondays, including this one. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND THIS. It is hugely inconvenient for me. During semester Mondays and Wednesdays are the only days I will have time or energy to go there, besides the weekend. But I guess even just twice a week is better than nothing, so I'll probably do it. They offer a one-time trial, so I'll give it a whirl tomorrow, see how it goes. Then I'll go every day (except Mondays) until classes start again, and turn into Superwoman. Maybe.

The Man is feeling better. Early this morning he was stroking my face lovingly, and it woke me up. I opened my eyes and found he was gazing at me in the semi-dark, smiling. His face had softened and the strain around his eyes was gone. I smiled back at him. He's back! I thought, and sighed happily. It was a tender moment, and I savoured it. Then he said, affectionately,

"You know, you look like a baby orangutan."

I stared. "A what?"

"A baby orangutan. Really cute."

I wondered whether this was a good moment to slap his face, but it was about three in the morning and I was too sleepy to lift my arm, so instead I hooted a few times and went back to sleep. I think this 'flu has affected his eyes.

I wonder if the gym has monkey bars?

4 comments:

Paula said...

Har! Reminds me of the time I bought a really cute outfit from Victoria's Secret and asked Jeff what he thought. "It's velour," he said, "which reminds me of Mrs. Costanza."

You know, George Costanza's mom on Seinfeld.

Badaunt said...

Perhaps they both sent away for the same 'how to charm a woman' correspondence course?

E.P. said...

Sounds like the "24 Hour Fitness Center" (which has branches all over the U.S. and I believe also in some major European cities) needs to set up shop over there (that's the one I joined in '93 for doing p.t. against the FM in my upper back).

E.P. said...

He called you an orangutan? ROTFL! GoodAunt, that's hilarious for another reason, namely that in German, "Affenliebe" (monkey love) is an expression used for when somebody has too much love for another (usually applied to parents). I do hope that The Man does not monkey around with your heart. :)