The diving lesson

As I cycled along the river today I spotted an egret hidden away on some concrete steps.


"What on earth are you doing in here?" I asked. "Isn't it a bit mucky?"

"It is a bit," said the egret. "COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT!"

I jumped.

"Pardon?" I said.


A cormorant popped up out of the water.

"WELL DONE!" said the egret. "I'm giving him a diving lesson," she explained.

"Gosh!" I said. "I didn't think the water was that deep."

"It isn't," said the egret. "He has to practice in shallow water where nobody can see him."

"Why?" I asked.

"He's afraid to go in over his head," said the egret. "Ever since he read some stupid story about a sinking problem he's been having anxiety attacks, and everybody keeps laughing at him."



"Oh, er, really?" I said.

"It's embarrassing," said the cormorant. "And I have horrible nightmares."

"Oh," I said.

"But I think I'm better now. So far I've managed to resurface EVERY TIME. I reckon that story was just a fairy tale."

"Oh, er, good," I said. I thought about it. "But was it really? I thought I saw..."

"AHEM!" said the egret.

"What?" said the cormorant.

"Oh, nothing. Never mind," I said.

"I'm going to practice in the river, now," said the cormorant, and flew away.

"GOOD LUCK!" shouted the egret.

She turned to me. "Idiot!" she hissed. "You almost told him!"


"Told him what? About the sinking problem?"

"Yes!" said the egret. "And it's NOT a problem, until they notice it. "They're SUPPOSED to sink. They're supposed to get the fish at the bottom, not at the top. That guy has been eating my breakfast EVERY DAY since that stupid story."

"Oh," I said. "I didn't know."

"You don't know ANYTHING," said the egret. "You're almost as bad as the dumb person who wrote those stories. Can you believe such idiocy?"

"Well, um ... my goodness, what gorgeous legs you have!" I said, desperately.


"Do you think so?" said the egret, brightening. "You don't think I'm knock-kneed?"

"Not at all," I said. "I've never seen such beautiful legs."

"But look at my feet!" said the egret. "I've got to go."

She flew over to the dam.


"I hope that stupid bird doesn't need more diving lessons tomorrow," I heard her grumble.


"I HATE getting my feet dirty."