Saturday, March 25, 2006

Doctor, doctor

I went to the doctor today. Not because I think medicine will make this cold go away faster, but it might make it go away more comfortably. Besides, I hadn't seen my doctor for a while, and I always enjoy visiting him. Also, his way of making a cold more comfortable is to give me lots of drugs, and they sometimes give me interesting dreams.

So I went, and told him I have a cold.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE A COLD," he shouted. "IT'S THE WRONG SEASON! IT'S SPRING! WINTER IS OVER AND NOBODY HAS A COLD NOW! "

"Sorry," I said, meekly.

He stared at me closely for a moment to check that I really was sorry, and laughed. Then he asked me what the symptoms were, and checked my temperature and listened to my chest.

He decided on some medicine, and took notes on his computer. The way he does this is interesting. He raises his voice a bit more and the computer starts doing things all by itself. You can see the cursor moving and windows opening and closing and words being typed, but his hands are nowhere near the keyboard. It's magic! Except that if you lean back a bit you can see the nurse through the door in the next room, typing away busily. I think he should install a secret interphone and close the door. It would be much more fun.

"Can you sleep?" he asked.

"No problem," I said.

"So you don't need anything to help you sleep," he said, and took another note. I watched and pretended to myself that the secretary wasn't there. He asked a few more questions, and we chatted a bit.

Finally, just as I was starting to worry that he'd forgotten, he asked the most important question:

"HOW ARE YOUR BOWELS?"

A visit to the doctor would not be complete without an enquiry about my bowels.

After I came home and took the medicine I was sitting here writing the first sentence of this blog entry when I started yawning so extravagantly I almost fell off my chair. I gave up trying to think, and lay on the floor in front of the heater for a short nap. Three hours later I was in the middle of some colourfully happy dreams when The Man opened the door, almost stepped on me, and screamed loudly.

"I thought you'd died!" he told me, later.

It's a good thing the doctor didn't add anything to the medicine to help me sleep. Whatever it is that dries out my sinuses makes me sleep anyway. It's working well. My sinuses are drying out very efficiently. In fact I think my face is going to cave in any moment now, like a deflating balloon. If I open my mouth I'll fly around the room a few times, whistling, and give The Man another fright.

Colds don't have to be miserable. They can be interesting, if you have a doctor like mine.

2 comments:

Fuzzball said...

I can't stop laughing at this post!

wendy said...

Yeah me neither...laughed out loud a few times. You have a wonderful wit and way with words. Great imagery.

ps...I always get a kick out of reading your blog on a Friday evening and seeing your Saturday post..I know..I'm very sad..

*note to self...must get a life*