The bank

I've done it. I've joined the gym. Before you know it I will be one of the Beautiful People. Also, you will all end up hating me because I'll go on and on about how fit I am, cycling 50 km before breakfast every morning and doing bench presses like a crazy person.

(What IS a bench press, actually?)

The Man came to help me sign up. I knew I would need his help, and I was right. It was UNBELIEVABLE how many forms I had to fill in. But the best bit was this: the gym has some sort of tie-in deal with Visa so that the membership card will also be a credit card. When the girl explained that bit I looked at The Man and The Man looked at me, and we both started laughing.

A few years ago it became necessary for me to get a credit card. I had never had one before. I went to the bank, filled in all the (gazillion) forms and submitted them, only to be told that I couldn't have one.

I got The Man to come in with me, to find out exactly why not. A loud and embarrassing argument ensued, but they were adamant. I could not have a credit card. I do not have one employer, I have several. That makes me 'self-employed.' (Huh?) It was against the rules. The Man didn't have a permanent job either, and so they also refused to give him one. Absolutely nothing would persuade them - my long history with the bank, my salary(s) going in every month, my healthy bank balance, NOTHING. They were perfectly clear that they would not even CONSIDER giving me a credit card. They also claimed (when challenged) that none of this had anything to do with my foreignness.

Later I discovered that this was bullshit, as a Japanese friend who has never had anything except part-time jobs told me she was always being sent credit cards that she had not applied for in the mail, and had to cut them up and tell the bank (MY bank, the SAME bank), yet again, that she DOES NOT WANT A CREDIT CARD.

I ended up getting American Express, which I have to pay a yearly fee for. That was fine, though, because by that stage I didn't really want to deal with my bank anymore. It was not a nice experience. American Express treated me like a human being. They didn't care what nationality I was. They took my money and gave me what I wanted.

But now, it appears, I will get a credit card automatically when I get my gym membership card.

HA. When it comes I am tempted to take it into the bank and shout, "LOOK! I HAVE A CREDIT CARD AND YOU SAID I COULDN'T HAVE ONE! NAH NAH! SOD YOUR SILLY RULES! THE FOREIGNER ALWAYS WINS!"

But perhaps that wouldn't be politically correct, or diplomatic. And anyway, I might not get it. Knowing my bank, they'll probably change the 'automatic' thing just for me.