What I would do

When I came home from work last night I found that Paula had tagged me. Just what I needed - another procrastination project.

"The following is a list of occupations. Of this list, I must choose five of them and elaborate what I would do should I be enjoying this occupation. At the end, I may add some to the list and so can you, should you be chosen as my victim. And I get to choose three victims..."

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Talk Show host...
If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge...
If I could be a Jedi...
If I could be a mob boss...
If I could be a backup singer...
If I could be a CEO...
If I could be a movie reviewer...
If I could be a filmmaker...
If I could be a sherpa...
If I could be a ninja...
If I could be a cab driver...
If I could be a frosting tester...
If I could be a swimsuit manufacturer...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a dictator...
If I could be an acrobat...
If I could be an inventor...

All right. Here we go:

If I could be a frosting tester I would get to lick the bowl.
If I could be a cab driver I would take everybody for a ride.
If I could be a missionary, I would preach that we are all living in our own fairy tales so we might as well choose good ones.
If I could be a painter, I'd probably paint myself into a corner.
If I could be a midget stripper, I would be small but perfectly formed.

I tag: Susan, who will have fun with it, Wiccachicky, who is good at everything she does, and Ms Vile File, who I suspect has already been everything on the list.