Advice

How to be more beautiful

Keep your mirror in a dark corner, and never dust it. Have another very small mirror in the bathroom for the insertion and removal of contact lenses, and for putting on makeup if you wear it. Never look at your entire face at one time, unless it is in the dusty mirror. In the dusty mirror you will look staggeringly beautiful, which you are.

When you are ready to leave the house, ask a dear friend if you look acceptable. If he is the kind of friend you deserve, he will say,

"You look beautiful," and he will say it sincerely and with great feeling.

He will also warn you if you forgot to put on your skirt or anything else essential.

Ask him about your hair, too. Do not use a mirror for this. It will never satisfy you. He will tell you it looks great.

"Just smooth it down a bit at the side there, no, THERE - yes! Perfect! You look wonderful!"

Hold onto those words as you leave the house, and you will spend the day feeling elegant and assured.

If you do not have a convenient dear friend living with you, use a dusty, full-length mirror, poorly lit. Do not stand in front of it. Walk past it quickly and confidently, giving yourself a passing glance. Notice how wonderful you look (unless you forgot your skirt, in which case put it on and do another mirror pass).

Avoid all other mirrors during the day, especially the frighteningly clean ones with the harsh fluorescent lighting in the toilets at school.

Follow this advice and you will be a happier person. Nobody is as critical as you are. Stop that nonsense. Invest in a 40-watt bulb and let your mirror get dusty.

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