Sunday, November 04, 2007

Retirement plans

Now and again The Man worries about becoming a burden to me in his old age. He is a bit older than me, and he says he doesn't want me to end up spending all my time taking care of him. He tells me to dump him in an old person's home and let someone else do it, or something similar. I tell him that would be too expensive and we couldn't afford it anyway. He says I should just abandon him, in that case.

I have no intention of abandoning him, at least not this week. I tell him we'll cope with it when the time comes.

Today, while I was reading the online International Herald Tribune, I had an idea.

"I've had an idea!" I said, and he got the look on his face he usually gets when I have ideas.

"What?" he asked.

"The retirement problem," I said. "I've figured out how to get the government to take care of you without me having to pay anything! It's brilliant! Everybody's doing it!"

I read a part of the article to him:

Work was emphatically kept light, and if any of them felt unwell, they could lie down on a tatami mat in the room. Prescription drugs, wheeled walkers and a stretcher were also kept on hand, as well as a box of "discreet, underwear-like" adult diapers.

"A little shoplifting would solve all our problems," I said. "I could move into a smaller, cheaper place, and I'd visit you once a week. It's perfect!"

He wasn't nearly as impressed as I'd expected him to be, or at least not in the right way. I guess I'll have to think of something else.


Anonymous said...

Ah, O. Henry's great short story, "The Cop and the Anthem" - gaol as the warm place for the winter...

Keera Ann Fox said...

I understand The Man's reluctance to your idea. Shoplifting is so girly. You need to suggest something more butch, like grand theft auto.

Badaunt said...

Anon: And probably better care than he'd get from me!

Keera: You're absolutely right, of course. I should have suggesting something more ... subversive, that would suit his personality. Perhaps I should encourage him in his childhood dream to become a conman. The advantage of that would be that if he turned out to be successful by his own terms (he claims a successful con leaves everybody happy, including the victim), then we could probably afford a decent retirement home for him and he wouldn't need to be caught for the plan to work!

Keera Ann Fox said...

Something tells me you were conned into marrying him. ;-)