Sunday, February 12, 2006

Olympic blogging

I don't know if I can manage Olympic blogging. I'm already two days behind.

I made a huge effort to stay awake long enough to see the opening ceremony. Why did they schedule it for four in the morning? How absurd.

I ended up seeing only a little before I gave up and went to bed, so it was mostly wasted effort. My eyes kept closing. All I can remember is a bunch of skaters with their hair on fire going as fast as they could to escape the flames. Poor things. Why didn't anybody help them?

Maybe they had bacon fat in their hair. I discovered last night as I was cooking dinner that bacon fat is extremely volatile. It makes lovely big flames that are capable of shooting quite far up the kitchen wall. Don't tell The Man, though. He will worry, and there is no need. The wall behind the grill is tiled, for just such emergencies. All you have to do is turn off the grill and wait for the fire to burn itself out. That's what I did, and I also muttered, "Oh dear, oh dear, that's no good," while I was waiting. I have become very good at suppressing the occasional urge to shout obscenities. It is a side effect of working in a language classroom, where students who refuse to learn the most basic English will pick up rude language at lightening speed EVEN IF YOU ONLY WHISPER IT, and will repeat it back at you at every opportunity.

The Man told me that the flaming hair in the Olympic ceremony signified passion, according to the commentary. All I can say is that if my hair was on fire I expect I'd feel pretty passionate, too, just like I did when my bacon erupted.

Also, at some point during the opening ceremony when I had my eyes open, I saw a pulsating red heart. From certain camera angles it looked like a bunch of red maggots crawling over a Valentine card. It was an astonishing effect. I wonder what it was all about? I couldn't stay awake long enough to find out.

I am looking forward to an excess of television watching over the next few weeks. I hope the scheduling becomes a little more civilized.

The New Zealand news site, Stuff, has a rather interesting poll up on their sports page. The question is:

Will you watch any of the Winter Olympics?

There are four answers you can choose from:

Yes - for the sport
Yes - for the crashes
Only if NZ does well
No


So far, 11% are watching it for the crashes. How ghoulish of them. I am watching it for The Man's running commentary on the Japanese athletes. Last night (early this morning, rather), for example, I learned that one delicate little flower of Japanese womanhood, a top athlete, has secondary fame here as a husband-basher. This sort of information makes the whole effort of staying awake worthwhile. (Well, the occasional crash helps, too.)

The Man manages to stay awake all night far better than I do. He is superhuman. However, yesterday afternoon I noticed he was reading a book with his eyes closed. I think he might be cheating.

7 comments:

Norma said...

I can't tell from the comment window which post this is connected to but I'm responding to the bacon fire one. Great post--I may link to it.

Wendy said...

I had the TV on intending to watch it but found it quite boring, except for one or two interesting things, so it ran in the background while I blogged. AT least it was at the very reasonable hour of 9pm so no sacrifice was involved.

And stove top fires...ah yes....very scary. I'm afraid I have been known to cause those and my reactions involve much hopping about and swearing and waving of hands.

Writer Mom said...

You're hilarious. What incredible expertise in literature, connecting the Winter Olympics opening ceremony with grease fires.
I think I'll read you instead of watch the winter games. I need a good laugh...Don't have it in me to watch all of the stories that begin with, "Baruca was born without toes, and the doctors said she'd never walk...but look at her today! Going for the gold in dog sledding..." I never get to feel sorry for myself while watching the Olympics.

Robert said...

What bugs me about Olympic coverage here in the States is that for every 30 seconds of actual sport, we get 30 minutes of mindless "commentary" and "profile" spots of American athletes--as if no one else competes.

I love the obscure sports, but a 30-second "highlight" clip isn't what I call coverage. I can watch hockey any day and I'm so sick of the politics in figure skating I can bothered. Give me the biathlon, live, unencumbered by "commentary."

As for the opening ceremonies this time? Yawn!

Radioactive Jam said...

I'm glad I missed the Opening. No way could it compete with *your* account for excitement and entertainment value.

kenju said...

I do watch all the ice skating I can - love that sport.

That bunch of red maggots you so aptly described were supposed to be a beating heart, so you got it right even though you were asleep.

tinyhands said...

Despite being rebroadcast at a reasonable hour I only watched a few minutes of the opening ceremonies.

I watched a few minutes of ballroom dancers in COW PRINT tuxedos/ballgowns twirling around as men in unitards pulled fibreglass cows on wheels around the stage. Stupidest thing I ever saw.