Amnesia

Today I asked The Man if he can tell me his secret yet, and he said,

"No."

That was pretty annoying. As long as only he knows this secret, I will worry. I don't trust him with it. He might forget what it is. I think he should tell me, just in case. And I have very good reason to worry, because that's what happened last time.

Yes, that's right. Last time, after all the excitement and screaming and so on, he FORGOT WHAT THE SECRET WAS. Not right away, of course, but a little while after the screaming incident he came home one day and told me that it hadn't worked out and therefore he wasn't going to tell me. There was no point, he said.

What did he mean, there was no point? I wanted to explain the foolishness of this argument in detail, but he was still a bit touchy about the interrogation thing so I decided that it probably wasn't tactful right then to tell him how wrong he was. I put it out of my mind for a while. I knew pushing him wouldn't work anyway. He was not in a cooperative state of mind.

But I put it out of my mind a little too thoroughly, and it was a year or so before I remembered it again and asked him. Unfortunately, by then he'd also put it out of his mind, even more efficiently than I had. He didn't even know what I was talking about at first. Then he remembered that he had had a secret, but couldn't remember what it was.

HE COULDN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS.

---

Also today, The Man he told me that a friend asked him what the English word amnesia meant. The Man knew the word but it floated to the top of his brain with only a part of the meaning attached. While he waited for the rest to surface he told his friend, knowingly,

"It's a symptom."

"Oh, I see," said his friend. Then he asked, "But what IS it?"

"Er... it's a kind of mental problem," said The Man, stalling desperately. He KNEW the word, but he couldn't remember. WHAT DID IT MEAN?

I didn't think that forgetting the meaning of amnesia was nearly as funny as he did. In fact it worried me a little. I told him sternly that he was not to forget what this secret was, and that he HAD to tell me at some point, no matter what.

He thought about it.

"But secrets are only interesting because they're secret," he said. "They're like magic. If you know how magic is done it stops being interesting."

I'm not sure that I like this theory. For one thing it implies that his secret is not very interesting, and I hate the idea that I'm getting all excited about something mundane. But also, there is a hint in there - don't you think? - that he isn't planning to tell me at all. If he thinks secrets are only interesting when they're not told, then maybe he'll think it's more fun not to tell me. Or maybe ... is there no secret? Is this some hair-brained scheme to keep me interested in him? Is that what he thinks he's doing?

Driving me mad with curiosity is supposed to be INTERESTING?

I'd be much less annoyed by his theory if it wasn't true.