London

QUICK UPDATE FROM INTERNET CAFE SOMEWHERE IN LONDON

Moving house
Things have been hectic. I arrived in London two days ago, and so far have moved house twice.

Electric blankets
Apparently the airlines give specially selected passengers electric blankets. Mine was electric, anyway. When I tried to take it out of its plastic wrapping it crackled fiercely at me and then gave me a jolt. I waited until a flight attendant was passing and asked her to take it out for me. She didn't understand, so I explained.

"It gives me a shock," I said.

She looked blank, so I held the blanket out to her, and moved my hand over it. It crackled. She took it and opened it. It didn't crackle. The man sitting beside me laughed.

The problem after that was that every time I moved, the blanket crackled, and when I wanted to get up I had to peel the blanket off me. It was attached to me. It actually SPARKED. I had to ask the guy sitting next to me to remove it, because it made me jump and shriek with the little shocks it gave me. He thought this was hilarious, but I didn't. I warned him that I would self-combust shortly, and would that be funny? Eh? Eh?

He thought it would be very funny indeed.

Where are my trousers?

Yesterday my friend was looking for some trousers she'd bought in Bali. She couldn't find them.

"Did I leave them in Japan?" she wondered. "Or in Bali? No, wait, I'm sure I packed them..."

Later, we wanted to take a bus to her daughter's place, but I didn't have correct change for a bus ticket. You have to have correct change. I needed one pound twenty pence, but between us we could only dredge up 15p. So we went to a pub and had a drink, in order to get some change. The wine was awful, and very expensive.

Sitting in the pub, my friend sat looking glum and thoughtful.

"Can I take a picture of you?" I asked.

"Why?" she snapped.

"Because it's too good a caption to pass up," I replied. "You look like The Thinker in a bad mood, and underneath the picture I can put, SHE WONDERS WHICH COUNTRY SHE LEFT HER TROUSERS IN."

I didn't take the picture. She cheered up. Later, she found her trousers.

All is well in the world.