Dinner with sound effects

Well, it's here. All the shutters are up. We're not stupid.

I just had dinner. The kitchen in at the back of the house, and while I was eating a section the fence between our place and the place behind blew away. It had been making a terrific noise, and then suddenly it was gone. Exciting, eh? Having the window open was probably not a good idea. We got lucky and the fence blew the other way. It could have come straight through the screen window. Yes, that's right - I'd had the windows open. It was too hot otherwise.

We hadn't bothered with the kitchen shutters, but after that we closed them, too. The wind is stronger around the side of the house where I am now, but it's bad enough now that the other side is getting dangerous. It would be silly to get damage from the wind when there's no need for it.

The kitchen became stifling after closing the shutters. No air conditioning down there. I'm sweating buckets but won't have a shower until the wind dies down. Bits of plaster from the house next door keep hitting the bathroom window, and the noise is too freaky. I'm very glad the madwoman isn't there. We'd feel obliged to invite her over here if she was in that house. It's not safe there, now. I wouldn't be surprised if that house fell down tonight.

Up here the howling of the wind is straight out of a horror movie. The rain is hitting the shutters and sounds like pebbles being thrown with great force. Now and again the house shakes. I didn't feel that downstairs, only up here. The tree hits the house like a large ghost trying to get in.

I don't know why I'm not frightened. Perhaps it's because of what our builder neighbour told us all those years ago, with great amazement: this house is strong, it's built well, it will survive another earthquake as big as the Hanshin one, no problem, I guarantee. Well, this isn't nearly as bad. It's pretty damned bad, but not that bad.

But there's NO WAY I'm going out in that. Never mind my umbrella being snatched away by the wind, I'd be more worried about ME being snatched away by the wind. If the wind can make the house rock, what do you think it would do to me?

Don't you envy me my exotic and fascinating life?