Collywobbles

One of two prisoners handcuffed together who ran either side of a lamp-post in an ill-conceived bid for freedom has pleaded guilty to trying to escape custody.

He had the collywobbles, apparently. His lawyer said so.

I think they should be let off this particular offense. They provided a great service by performing their stunt on video, thus brightening the lives of people all around the globe.

That has to count for something, surely.

A giant butt with a head

What an unkind thing to call an innocent baby.

A lovely bloke

Sir Edmund Hillary died yesterday.

I know he will be remembered as the man who 'conquered' Mt. Everest, but I think he should be remembered equally for what he gave back to the people and environment of the area.

He devoted all of his life to helping the Sherpa people of Nepal through the Himalayan trust, which he founded and to which he had given much of his time and energy. Through his efforts he had succeeded in building many schools and hospitals in this remote region of the Himalayas. He was the Honorary President of the American Himalayan Foundation, a United States non-profit body that helps improve the ecology and living conditions in the Himalayas.

There's an excellent interview with him here, from 1991.

I actually met him briefly, about twenty years ago, just long enough to shake hands and exchange a few words of greeting in passing. I didn't know who it was at first, and my first impression of him was that he was a good, kind person. What a lovely bloke, I thought. Then I realized who it was – NEW ZEALAND'S GREATEST HERO, AND I'D JUST SHAKEN HANDS WITH HIM – and amended my impression to a good, kind hero, and a lovely bloke.

Real service

When you imagine a week-long P&O cruise to Vanuatu, you think of idyllic Pacific islands, blue seas and skies, music, entertainment, and possibly shipboard romance, if you're into that sort of thing. You do not imagine this:

"I saw elderly people banging their heads and splitting them open. The toilets were flooding out with sewage and the lifts weren't working.

"There was only one dining room open so people were queuing for food and there were people wandering round covered in cuts and bruises."

I don't suppose anybody complained about a lack of atmosphere, though. What impressed me the most was how passengers were provided with a musical accompaniment to the weather:

"I was in bed trying to calm myself down when the theme song from Titanic came on TV," said Mr Magee.

Now that is real service!

ONE SECOND???

One second? ONE SECOND???

Oh, well. At least I can get some sleep this week.

Superpower

I have been listening to a live stream of the America's Cup yacht race, while preparing lessons (probably badly). It's actually more fun to listen to the commentary of these races than to watch them. If I'm watching, half the time I can't even tell which boat is which, let alone who is ahead.

The Kiwis lost yesterday to the Swiss boat. Today they are winning - no! they have won! - and I just heard something I never even imagined I'd ever hear. I heard an American commentator refer to the teams as 'the two superpowers.'

New Zealand, a superpower? What have you guys been UP to while I've been away?

(And I bet Ms Mac didn't know she was living in a superpower.)

Iodine

I heard on a Radio New Zealand podcast that it has been discovered that New Zealanders have very low iodine intakes, and this can cause health problem. There was a discussion of ways to combat this, and it seems that the government's approach is to pass a regulation that iodine must be added to all bread.

I guess this is a good idea, in that most people eat bread, but it surprised me that at no point in the interview did they mention one of the best dietary sources of iodine: kombu. I looked it up, wondering whether I had been given bad information and in fact kombu isn't such a great source, but I was right. According to this vegan society website, 15g of dried kombu or kelp in a convenient container in the kitchen provides one year's supply for one person.

I guess the problem would be getting people to use kombu, since it is not a part of the usual NZ diet. But kombu is easy. You can add a little to soup stock, and it tastes great. You don't need to eat the kombu, just use the kombu stock.

But one of the problems with iodine, I discovered when I searched the web, is that too much is as much of a problem as too little. I guess that means that if the government adds iodine to bread, they will not want people consuming kombu as well.

But my favourite sentence on the vegan society website was this one:

The low iodine levels in many plant foods reflects the low iodine levels in the UK soil, due in part to the recent ice-age.

Funny how the meaning of a word can change so much according to its context. For an exciting moment I thought the UK had had an ice age just last week and I hadn't heard about it.

How would an ice age affect iodine levels in plants, anyway?

Police are puzzled

My favourite story out of New Zealand this week:

Burglars lock themselves in police cell

Police are puzzled about the motives of those who broke into Matamata police station on Saturday night.

The burglars got in through a front office window, but as they entered the cell block a self-locking door closed behind them, trapping them.

Maybe they were checking out the amenities of their future accommodation.

Devolution

Right. That's it. I'm not going back to NZ until I have an explanation for all this nonsense. It's become too weird, and I'm afraid of what I might encounter.

Remember the story about the man who went tramping in his gumboots? Well, now there's a new story about another person going out on an expedition inadequately dressed. At least this guy was wearing undies, but still, I find the whole thing baffling. It just doesn't make sense.

What is going ON? Why are people suddenly feeling the urge to remove clothing and go out into the bush? Is this some sort of evolution in reverse? Am I going to go home one day and find everybody hanging from trees, hooting?

More importantly, is it contagious? Because if so, I'm beginning to understand the logic of walking around with tissues stuffed up your nose. You don't want to risk breathing in something like that.

(And speaking of undies ... Lippy! Lippy? Are you all right? One hoot for yes, two for no.)

Two stories

I have just been at GoogleNews New Zealand reading a couple of interesting stories.

The first story didn't start out all that interesting. It was about a couple of guys who got lost in the bush, in New Zealand, and then were rescued after two days. It was supposed to be a one day tramp (hike to you Americans), and they were not prepared for nights in the bush, according to the detective in charge of the search and rescue operation:

"I don't think they were very well-equipped. As far as I'm aware they didn't have much in the way of suitable clothing with them," Mr Wingfield said.

The story continues (they were able to use the dying batteries of their cellphone to send one last text message, which saved them), and then goes back to explaining how unprepared they were.

I read:

One of the men had been wearing only gumboots,

and sat up straight in my chair.

You'd think THAT would have been the headline, wouldn't you? I mean, the cellphone-saved-their-lives story is NOTHING compared to the idea of some guy going tramping wearing only gumboots.

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The other story that caught my attention was one about a Japanese family who died in a house fire in Christchurch, New Zealand. It is a sad story, but one detail has stuck in my mind and I just can't get it out. The family is described as kind, polite, generous people who were always smiling and impeccably dressed.

Much later in the story, people describe their impression of the elderly mother of the family, and I read that those who lived nearby recall her as a very short woman who often walked the streets with tissue paper stuffed in her nostrils.

That is the detail that has stuck.

On the one hand I find it a little distressing that after twenty years in New Zealand this is what she is remembered for. But on the other hand, I find the idea of this tiny, smiling 80-year-old woman walking around dressed impeccably and with tissue paper sticking out of her nostrils irresistibly charming.